The Upside of Love Read online

  I spent a few extra days than I originally anticipated at the cabin. Maddie said everything was fine with the bar and to take as much time as I needed. Pastor Joe stopped by one evening and brought a large pizza with him. He said we had some catching up to do before I went back home. We took the pizza out on the patio and I talked to him all about Lily.

  “Listen, Luke. We’re all on a timeline. We never know when the big guy upstairs plans to take us back home. As much as I hate to say it, it was Callie’s time to go home and that accident would have happened anyway. Maybe you would have gone out to dinner that night. You don’t know and you never will, but blaming Lily for Callie’s death was not the right thing to do. You’ve let your anger for that accident cloud your judgment.”

  “I know I have,” I said as I took a sip of my beer.

  “There’s a plan for all of us. People just don’t come into our lives by accident. They come with a purpose. You were at the lowest point of your life after Callie died and then when you least expected it, Lily walked into your life. Do you think it’s a coincidence? Do you believe in fate? When one door closes, no matter how painful it is, another opens for a greater purpose.”

  I sighed as I sat there and listened to him. “I get what you’re saying, Joe. I really do. I think I just needed these last few days to clear my head and get over the shock. I mean, how the heck is it possible that Lily was the one to give us those tickets and then, a year later, show up in Santa Monica and move in next door?”

  “That was the higher power doing his job, my son. Have faith and believe.” He smiled as he patted my shoulder. “I best be going now. I have to prepare for a funeral tomorrow.”

  I got up from my seat and gave him a hug. “It was good seeing you, Joe. Thanks for the talk and for listening.”

  “No problem, Luke. It was good to see you again. Tell your parents that I expect to see them up here sometime soon. They keep going on those fancy cruises and I’m feeling a little unloved.”

  I chuckled. “I will.”

  I brought the plates and beer bottles into the kitchen and grabbed my phone. I missed Lily and I wanted to get home to her. God, I had a lifetime of making up to do to her and I owed her a huge explanation. I loved her so much and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I decided to send her a text message.

  “Hi, Lily. I’ll be coming back to Santa Monica tomorrow and we need to talk.”

  I waited for a response. Nothing. I set my phone down and jumped into the shower. When I was finished, I looked at my phone again and still no response. Shit.

  ****

  Lily

  I spent the last few days locked in my apartment. The only time I left was when I went to dinner with Maddie. Gretchen, Giselle, and Sam kept calling and checking up on me and even Lucky stopped by for a visit. I hopped into my Explorer and drove to my appointment with Dr. Blakely.

  “Come in, Lily. I’m glad you’re here. You really had me worried on the phone.”

  “Thanks, Dr. Blakely,” I said as I took a seat in the oversized leather chair.

  “Have you heard from Luke?” she asked.

  “No. I sent him a couple of text messages, but he never responded.”

  “I want you to tell me how you’re feeling right now.”

  “I’m sad and hurt, but most of all, I’m angry. I’m really angry!” I spewed.

  “That’s understandable. Words can hurt louder than actions. I think you and Luke both have issues you need to work on. His issue is with Callie’s death. I don’t think he ever put closure on that and then there’s your issues with your sister and Hunter.”

  I sat there, playing with a piece of string that was hanging from the bottom of my shirt.

  “He pretty much called me a murderer. He blames me for Callie’s death and maybe he’s right. Why did I have to give those tickets away? I should have just thrown them in the garbage. I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.”

  “Saying never is pretty harsh.”

  “Yeah, well my life has been pretty harsh.”

  “What if he were to walk through that door right now and beg for your forgiveness. What would you do?”

  “I don’t know because, right now, I’m so angry.”

  “Angry at what? Him or the fact you gave him the tickets?”

  “Both.”

  “Are you still angry at Brynn and Hunter?”

  “Yes.”

  “Your mother?”

  “We’re working on our relationship. Things are going well with her right now.”

  “Good. Then you need to resolve your anger one step at a time. You can’t go through life being angry. You will never be your true self and it’ll always get in the way of your life.”

  “Maybe you should be telling Luke that,” I said.

  Her phone chimed, alerting us that my session was over. I got up from my seat, thanked her, and walked out of her office. I climbed in my Explorer and put my head down on the steering wheel. I was being forced to go back to the place I swore I’d never go back to.

  ****

  Luke

  Lily not responding to my message told me that she didn’t want to talk to me. I dialed her number and it went straight to voicemail. I dialed Sam.

  “Hey, Luke. How are you?” he answered.

  “Hey, is Lily home?”

  “I don’t know, bro. Gretchen and I are out to dinner. Why?”

  “I texted her earlier and she never texted me back.”

  “Do you fucking blame her? I wouldn’t text you back either.”

  “Thanks, bro. I’ll be home tomorrow. If you see Lily, tell her that I need to talk to her.”

  “I will, man. Safe travels.”

  I sighed as I hung up the phone. I opened another bottle of beer, lay down on the bed, and scrolled through the pictures of me and Lily on my phone. I slowly ran my finger across Lily’s face, taking in how happy she looked, and how I had possibly destroyed her world. I had been in shock over my discovery. I said things I didn’t mean. Words that I would take back in a heartbeat. She had to forgive me, because if she didn’t, I didn’t know what I’d do. I wanted to call her and just hear her voice, but I was scared. If she didn’t respond to my text message, she wouldn’t pick up the phone either. I needed to stop thinking and go to sleep for the night. Tomorrow would be a new day and beginning for me and Lily. I was going to make sure of it and get down on my hands and knees and beg her for forgiveness.

  14

  Lily

  I booked a non-stop flight to Seattle. I packed my suitcase and, when I walked out the door, Sam was coming out of his apartment. He looked at me and then at my suitcase.

  “Hey, Lily. Where are you going?”

  “I’m flying to Seattle for a while. I have some things I need to take care of there.”

  “Ah. I see. I talked to Luke last night. He said he sent you a text message, but you never responded.”

  “I didn’t get a text message from him,” I said as I pulled out my phone and took a second look.

  “He’s at the cabin and service isn’t the best up there. Anyway, he’s coming home today and he wanted me to tell you that he needs to talk to you.”

  “Well, that’s too bad because I’m leaving. He had a chance to talk to me the day he left me sobbing hysterically in the middle of my apartment. Now he thinks that he’s had time and that it’s okay just to come back and want to talk? It doesn’t work that way, Sam. I’m hurt, distraught, and to be honest, I feel betrayed. He doesn’t just get to talk to me when it suits him. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a plane to catch, and do me a favor, don’t tell him where I am. Please.”

  The sadness in his eyes bothered me. But I had no choice.

  “I won’t tell him. Have a safe trip, Lily, and I’ll see you when you get back,” he said as he leaned over, kissed my cheek, and helped me load my suitcase in the back of the Explorer.

  ****

  As I sat on the plane and stared out the window, I couldn’t stop
thinking about what Sam had said. Maybe Luke wanted to talk to me to put closure on our relationship because he still blamed me for what happened. The only thing I knew at this point was that my stomach was in a permanent knot and I’d never felt so lonely in my life. The plane landed and I rented a car and drove to my mom’s house. The hardest part was going to be to have to face Brynn and possibly Hunter. I didn’t care anymore what he did because I now realized that he wasn’t my true love. But my sister, my baby sister, Brynn, was a different story. Blood doesn’t do that to each other and it was mostly my anger with her that I needed to control.

  ****

  Luke

  I pulled up to the apartment building and Lily’s Explorer wasn’t there. Instead of going to my and Sam’s apartment, I inserted the key into Lily’s lock and opened the door. I looked around. Lily had all the blinds shut. There was a blanket lying on the couch and an empty bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table. I walked straight to the bedroom and she wasn’t there. I opened the closet doors and noticed that some of her clothes were missing and her suitcase was gone. FUCK! Where the hell did she go? I pulled out my phone and texted Sam.

  “Where’s Lily?”

  “I take it you’re back. I don’t know, dude. She said she was leaving and wouldn’t tell me where she was going.”

  “What about her studio?”

  “Don’t know. She’ll be back eventually. She didn’t move for good.”

  “How the fuck do you know that?”

  “She only had one suitcase. Chill out, Luke. You left and now so did she. Give her the space she wants.”

  I threw my bag down on the floor and headed to the bar. When I walked in, I saw Cody talking to Maddie.

  “Well, look who’s back.” Maddie smiled.

  “Do you know where Lily went?”

  “No. I didn’t know she left.”

  “Her suitcase is gone and so are some of her clothes. Sam said she wouldn’t tell him where she was going.”

  “I’m not surprised, Luke. She was really broken up.”

  I shook my head and went to my office. A few moments later, Cody walked in.

  “Hey, Luke. Welcome back and I’m really sorry. If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”

  “Thanks, Cody. Can you please shut the door on your way out?”

  She nodded and walked out of the office. Sam was right. Lily didn’t take all of her things, so she’d be back. I would have to wait until she was to talk to her and apologize.

  ****

  Lily

  I pulled up the driveway and an even worse sickness took over me. I walked up the steps of the porch and opened the front door with my shaking hand. I heard my mother’s voice in the kitchen and, when I stood in the doorway, she turned and looked at me.

  “Lily. What—”

  The minute she said my name, the tears began to stream down my face.

  “Oh, baby. Come here,” she said as she held out her arms.

  I walked over to her as she wrapped her arms around me and I cried, just like I did when I was a child.

  “What happened?” she asked sympathetically as she walked me into the living room.

  We sat down on the loveseat and I told her everything. Right down to the day I left Seattle.

  “Lily, the accident was not your fault. How could he blame you like that?”

  I told her exactly how I felt and the reason I came back here.

  “Where’s Brynn?” I asked as I wiped my eyes.

  “She and Hunter went out. They’ll be back later.”

  “So they’re still together?” I asked. It was a subject that both of us avoided when we talked over the phone.

  “Yes.”

  I asked my mother for a glass of wine, and when she went to get it, I sat there and thought about Hunter and Brynn. After all that happened, they were still together. Maybe that was why I was a part of Hunter’s life. So he could meet Brynn. The two of them must have really loved each other to still be together. Maybe they had the passion that Luke and I did. I didn’t know and I didn’t want to know. I was handed my glass of wine and my mother asked me if she could get me something to eat. Food wasn’t really on my agenda. I still became sick with each bite. I got up from the couch and took my suitcase up to my old room. It looked the same as it did the day I left.

  “I never touched it,” my mother said as she stood in the doorway. “The maids dust it once a week. I wanted it exactly the same in case you came back.”

  I looked out my window at the gazebo that sat in the middle of lawn, surrounded by flowers. My dad had it built for me when I was a kid. He told me that it was my very own special place to go when I was having a bad day or just needed to think. I liked to play my guitar there. Everyone, including the staff, knew that when I was in my gazebo, I wasn’t to be disturbed. It was my sanctuary and my safe haven. A place where all my troubles disappeared the minute I stepped inside.

  “Excuse me, Mother,” I said as I walked out of my room and out to the gazebo.

  I took in a deep breath before stepping inside because I wanted all my troubles to magically go away. After a few moments, I heard something. I froze in place and it seemed like time stood still.

  “Hi, Lily,” Brynn said with a soft voice.

  I had to compose myself before turning around to face her. Once I took in several deep breaths, I slowly turned around and saw my sister standing there before me, with tears in her eyes.

  “Brynn.”

  “It’s so good to see you,” she said nervously.

  “We have a lot of talking to do,” I said.

  “I know. It’s been a long time,” she replied.

  Looking at her didn’t make me as sick to my stomach as I thought it would. Maybe it was because I was already sick enough over Luke. I looked across the way and saw our mother walking towards us.

  “I think the two of you should go out to dinner. Talk over some greasy food like you used to. I think that maybe a public place would be best for your first time talk.”

  “I agree. Is Cabala’s still around?” I asked Brynn.

  “Yeah. It is. I’ll drive.” She smiled.

  I climbed into her car and we drove off to the place that made the best lobster macaroni and cheese in the world. I could tell Brynn was uncomfortable and that she was on pins and needles waiting for me to explode and go off on her. But I didn’t. I kept reminding myself of what Dr. Blakely said about letting anger consume me.

  “Why, Brynn?” I finally asked.

  “Do you want the truth?”

  “Of course. That’s all I ever wanted,” I said.

  She pulled into the parking lot of Cabala’s and waited to spill the truth until we were seated.

  “I fell in love with him and I don’t know how it happened,” she said as she looked down.

  “Go on.”

  “I didn’t want to hurt you and neither did he, but the attraction between us was stronger than we were and we didn’t know how to stop it.”

  I set my menu down and looked at her. “You’re my sister. How could you carry on with him the way you were and still have the nerve to look at me every day?”

  “It was hard and unbearable. You have to believe me when I tell you that. I swear, Lily, neither one of us wanted it to happen, but it did.”

  I understood what Brynn was saying because it sounded like the same attraction that Luke and I had. When two people are meant to be together, there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it.

  “Do you know how many times I wanted to tell you? I tried on so many occasions, but I just couldn’t.”

  “So instead, you were going to let me marry him? What were the two of you going to do, continue to fuck behind my back until I found out?”

  “I don’t know, Lily.” She began to cry. “All I know is that I love him and I can’t help how I feel. I’m so sorry for everything and I’m sorry for what I’ve done.”

  “But you and Hunter are still together. So how sorry could you be?”


  She looked me straight in the eyes this time and, with a serious tone, she told me that they were in love. And there it was. They weren’t just carrying on like two people who got off on the fact they knew it was wrong; they were supposed to be together and I was the middleman that helped make that happen. Could I be so reasonable? Would I forgive her? Would I forgive Hunter? I didn’t know. I guessed that was something only time would tell.

  15

  Luke

  I left the bar and went for a ride on my motorcycle. I rode along the coast just like I used to do after Callie died. When I got back to the apartment, I unlocked my door. Gretchen and Sam were sitting at the table.

  “Hey, bro,” Sam said as he gave a small wave.

  “Gretchen, do you know where Lily went?”

  “No, and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you,” she snapped.

  I grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat down at the table next to them. Gretchen went to get up, and I grabbed her hand and asked her to sit down.

  “Listen, I know you hate me right now, but I need to talk to Lily. I need to apologize to her for everything I’ve said and done. I can’t lose her.”

  “Oh, so now you want to apologize? She trusted you. She gave herself to you when she swore off everything to do with love and relationships. She loved you so much that nothing else in this world mattered to her. And now you decide to come back, when it’s convenient for you and try to fix things?”

  “I know, Gretchen. I’m sorry. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her. Please, do you know where she’s at?”

  “No, actually, I don’t, but she’ll be back when she’s ready.”

  “Have you been in contact with her?” I asked.

  “No. I haven’t. She gave strict instructions to both Giselle and me not to call her or text her and that she’d talk to us when she’s back. I’m sure she’s fine. She’s a strong woman.”

  Suddenly, there was a pounding at the door. Sam jumped up, and as soon as he opened the door, Charley came running in and over to me with tears in her eyes.

  “Where’s Lily, Uncle Luke?”

  “Peanut, what are you doing here?”